This Week in Softball - The John Denver on Crack Edition (Season Finale)

Tiger Woods, those who eat mashed up chickpeas, people who grill with charcoal, those with man boobs, and people named Scotty, Ryan, Mohammed and Matthew...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The John Denver on Crack Edition (Season Finale)!!!


The season is over.  Yes, over.  America's favorite misfit, piece of shit-playing softball team, The Bush Pilots, were mercifully (literally and figuratively) knocked out of the ghey "Jacket Tournament", 15-3, by the New Place Lounge last night.

Now, onto the highlights...

THE GAME

Coach Proc walked up to take the coin toss and was greeted by a New Place Lounger named Scotty.  Scotty was quite the spaz fucker and shook Coach Proc's hand and introduced himself.  He proceeded to let it be known that the New Place Lounge had finished their regular season with a 1-15 record.  While this made absoutely no impression on Coach Proc, the knowledge of their 1-15 record would later make all of Team Bush feel like shit.  Its one thing to lose to a shitty team, but to suffer yet another beatdown (15-3) to a team like that made it all the more inexcuseable.

What the fuck people?  15-3 to that team?  Man, we blow.

FOND MEMORIES OF THE NEW PLACE LOUNGE

Many years ago, our man Dugger was at the New Place Lounge where upon leaving the bar in a drunken stupor, he was cold-cocked in the face by some dudes in the parking lot.  It was pointed out that this is the second time in his life that he has suffered a New Place Lounge beatdown.









JOHN DENVER ON CRACK

As mentioned, the coach for the New Place, "Scotty", was a spaz.  And damn if the sumbitch didn't look like John Denver on crack, as pointed out by Dawg.  He looked like this...just sayin'...





I'M ON A BOAT

Yes, we are referencing the most-cool song, "I'm On A Boat" again.  Why?  Because most of you bastards didn't watch the video.  Scroll down now to last week's TWIS (below) and watch the damn thing.  Its funny.

DUSTY NEEDS TO WARM UP

Midway through the game, Dusty ran out to replace Focker at second base.  He threw a ball to Coach Proc, who was running out to first base and said, "Hey Proc, warm me up!"

Coach Proc replied, "I don't think (after last week's performance) that its a good idea to throw you warm up throws."

DUSTY VINDICATED!

As the game was starting, Dusty leaned over and said, "That is the naked ump from the shower!", referring, of course, to the ump Dusty has seen in previous weeks, showering in the Rotunda/Auschwitz bathroom.  Luckily for Dusty, this week, he did not see any naked ump action in the crapper.  Post-game, an exploratory field trip to the showers, showed portable water handles and evidence of water on the floor, which proved Dusty right that the umpire really has been showering in that shithole.

When it was questioned about the plumbing and its ability to provide water, Gaylord Focker piped up that his dad, a.k.a. Father Focker, is a plumber and that he knows plumbing.


"My dad is a plumber.  I know what I'm talking about."
- G. Focker




RUN FORREST RUN!

This should actually be titled, "Run Focker Run!".  In our last at-bat, Focker hit a ground ball to short and started to run.  Actually, he quit running.  Then when the throw sailed over the first basemen's head, he attempted to run again, only to bail out on running completely on what would've got him on base.  He never made it even half way down the line.  The ball was still rolling around freely as he walked back to the dugout.

Bad Focker!


NEW SPOKESPERSON

Its been decided that T.C. really does sound like that guy who asks questions in the Geico Insurance commercials.  It was pointed out that the voice of the Geico gecko was recently fired.  Here is an actual photo from T.C.'s audition for the new spokesperson position.

Congrats T.C.!

TWIS Editor's Note:  We have actual audio of T.C. as the Geico man. Check back here as we will try to convert the cell phone audio/ring tone to a useable, web (.wav or .mp3 audio file).


PERSONAL JESUS

During the game, T.C. dove for a ball and made a nice catch.  Actually, it was debated whether it was a graceful dive or a blow-up/fall-down like our man Mitchy usually does when catching a ball.  UPS Greg referred to T.C. as a gymnast and said T.C.'s moves reminded him on former Olympic Gold Medalist Nadia Comaneci.  Who knew T.C. was such a contortionist?

Later, while examining T.C.'s war wounds, Dugger proclamined that he could see Jesus in the wound.  If you look closely, you will see him too!




Speaking of Jesus, here is a song we here at TWIS like (watch it dammit!).  Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode...


HUMMOUS

Being as we were in East Dearborn, home to some marvelous Middle Eastern food, it was appropriate that UPS Greg's dad, Mohammed Swain (no, its not his real name), hooked us up with some tasty hummous.



MISS USA! MISS USA!

And seeing we were in East Dearborn, home of Miss USA, this topic came up...


TIGER WOODS NEIGHBOR

Has our man, Mike Schultz mentioned his crib in Florida is near Tiger Woods?  :-)

We hear they are BFF's.

FUTURE SPARTYS?

We do not know why there was an old, abandoned couch on the Rotunda grounds, but there it was in all its glory.  Some of the kids posed for a picture.  We are all hoping they don't go to Michigan State (GO BLUE!) and become couch burners.

Too late, T.C. lit it on fire.

Damn you, T.C.!









HOT DOG!

Thanks to Coach Proc for brining the hot dogs and buns.  Thanks to Dawg for cookin' 'em up on the old-fashioned charcoal grill near the picnic pavillion.  Thanks to UPS Greg for buying the charcoal and some beer and thanks to Jump for going to the store for the charcoal and beer.

Good men, all of you.

MOOBS

Late into the night, while hanging in the picnic pavillion and a million beers in, Team Bush watch a 330 foot home run get jacked (or was it foul?).  The ball hit a dude in the head who was standing by the Rotunda shitter house.  It clunked him right on the melon.  You could hear the hollow sound.

Why is this worthy of brining up?

Because several members of Team Bush (T.C., UPS Greg and Focker) thought the ball hit a woman.  You know, a female.  A chick.

However, it hit what appeared to be a 57-year old white MAN who had white hair and shorts pulled up halfway to his tits.

One of the genius men on Team Bush said they thought the person in question had boobs.

Man boobs maybe.

Or, as Dawg said, "Moobs".

Fags, all of you.   That was a bad, incorrect, ghey call on that being a chick.

DONATIONS FOR BEAN'S DAD

Some of you were wondering about donations, flowers, etc. for Bean's dad who passed away last week.  If interested, the family requests you send a donation to:

Gleaners Community Food Bank
In Memory of:  George McGlinnen
2131 Beaufait
Detroit, MI  48207

GAME OFF!

Well, we've come to the end of yet, another softball season.  For Coach Proc and a few others, this was season number 26 (with one year off).  Despite the horrific 2-14 record and the playoff beatdown by a shitty team, it was a fun year.  The start times worked out perfectly, and, of course, we have a great group of guys to hang out with.

So, with that said...Who is in for next year?   Coach Proc says, "YES!!!  Let's do this!"

Hell yeah we are playing next year.  Let's get a couple of young bucks (The Suite Life of Trev and Trav?) and put this together again!  Thursdays worked out great, but we do need a better turnout from you fuggers next year.  Some weeks it was tough getting 10 guys due to commitments.

Football season is upon us!  GO BLUE!  GO LIONS!  Many of the fellas on the team will be up at O'Kelley's KofC every other Wednesday during the football season (for fantasy football stuff), so come out and have a beer with us.  Coach Proc will send out notes to invite you.

And with that said, the 2010 Bush Pilots softball season comes to close.  Stay warm this fall and winter and we'll see you back on the diamond next spring!!!

-COACH PROC

This Week in Softball - The Outhouse Edition

Those who whiz in outhouses, Futabas, those who carry trophies, last place finishers, Chef Boyardee and those named Zachary, Tim and Wojo....

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Outhouse Edition


Well America, the regular season has come to a conclusion for the Pilots of Bush.  Yet another defeat was laid upon this merry band of shitty softball players.  This time, it was a 22-3 drubbing by the radio-controller, servo-motor people from the Futaba Corporation.  Yes, you read that right.  22-3.  Fug, it was ugly.

THE GAME

After spotting the Futaba bastards a 16-0 lead, the Bush Pilots were successful in getting on the board when Dusty ripped a single to left to score Focker, who had made it to 3rd base on several, Bush Pilot-like throwing errors by Futaba.  It seemed like every Futaba dude batted 8 times each during the game.  Their old man pitcher, who chokes up on the bat like a teenager chokes up on his pecker, finished the season 19-for-20 against Dugger.  That old guy dropped 19 singles (on popups) just over our infielders head in 4 games this season.  He is Dugger's nemesis.

FOCKER OUT $5

Gaylord Focker lost $5 in the parking lot pre-game as he bet UPS Greg's kid, Zachary, that the kid couldn't throw a hardball and hit the porta shitter.  The kid picked up the ball and nailed the crapper.  Focker paid up.  More on throwing baseballs at porta johns later...

THAT AIN'T NO JOKE

We were remiss in last week's TWIS not mentioned Mitchy's catch line of the week last week, "That ain't no joke."  Well, it wasn't a joke that our man hurt his neck making his fall-down catch last week and had to miss the last game of the season.  Travel safe to Florida this week Mitchy and have fun.

I'M ON A BOAT

Post-game, it was mentioned that Hose disappeared.  He was in his truck.  Why, this prompted Dawg to start singing and referring to the song/video of "I'm On A Boat" we do not know.

However, we here at TWIS dig, "I'm On A Boat".  Here's the video:


PLAYING SOUND DEFENSE

Kudos to Dusty for dropping a couple soft ones last night at second base.  Post-game he was still dumbfounded at his lack of defenseive prowess stating, "I didn't see any naked guys in the Auschwitz bathroom tonight, so nothing should've affected me."

Someone yelled out, "Way to hold 'em to one (base), Dusty!"

Its truly heartwarming to see teammates finding the positive out of the negative.

TROPHY

Futaba was spotted taking pictures with their trophy.  Coach Proc was overheard saying, "Look at those f***ers and their trophy."

Coach Proc knows sportsmanship.

CULP FICTION

Our man Face was sporting a most-excellent, "Culp University" shirt last night.  As you can see here, it was most stylish.  We hear the number one class taken by students at Culp University is "Debauchery 101".

If so, Face has a PhD in Debauchery.   You may all call him Professor Face or, Dr. Face.

However, we are more impressed with Face's acting skills in the movie, "Culp Fiction".  Here he is starring alongside, Samuel L. "Mother Fucker" Jackson. 







GRILLING

Great job again by "K"ramer on the grill.


Here he is bitchin' up hot dogs and burgers for the fellas with his most excellent, tailgate setup.

Later in the night, Dugger called "K"ramer, "Chefboyardee".






GETTING TO THIRD BASE

Dawg asked Coach Proc, "What's it like to get to third base?".  Coach Proc described it as "Wonderful, there is a breeze over there."  But to quote a great line from the movie, "American Pie",  ""It feels like warm apple pie..." .

Seeing as its rarity for any Bush Pilot to get to third base during a game and in real life as well, getting this far was like being in uncharted territory as a softball player or a teenager in the backseat of a car.


DOES CHARLIE DANIELS PLAY A MEAN FIDDLE?

We here at TWIS are amazed at how much T.C. sounds like the guy in the Geico commercials that asks questions.

We even think T.C. looks like this dude.

Could it be T.C. in real life?  Is T.C. the "Geico Man"?



NICE LICENSE PLATE

Our man, Mike Schultz has a fishy on his license plate.  A fuggin' shark fishy. 

Not bad.



HIT THE SHITTER

Post-game, the Bush Pilots dined on fine food and imbibed in many beers.  Near the end of the evening, it was decided to take a bucket of hardballs out of UPS Greg's truck and see if anyone had a good enough arm to throw the baseball and hit the porta-john.  Many threw a dollar on the ground and took their best shot.  Round after round was held, until finally, UPS Greg hit the roof of the shitter.  Way to go UPS Greg!  For his reward, he collected $57 off the ground that the fellas had ponied up.  We are proud to report, UPS has paid the ump fees for Monday's playoff game and paid off his kid to ensure he doesn't tell Momma of his windfall.

MONDAY

The "jacket tournament" playoff game will be this Monday at 6:30pm on Field #4 against the New Place Lounge.  Be there!  Let's party on a Monday!

CONDOLENCES

On a serious note...our good friend, Mike "Bean" McGlinnen, lost his dad last night.

Bean, thoughts and prayers go out to you, your dad and your family from your Bush Pilot family and all the fellas.  We all extend our deepest sympathies and are saddened by your loss.


-COACH PROC

This Week in Softball - The Smells Like Teen Spirit Edition

Those who smell like ass, people who drink beer out of paper bags and then decide balls and strikes at sporting events, beef eaters and those named Cam, Jordanian, Jason and Al...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Smells Like Teen Spirit Edition

WHERE HAVE ALL THE PILOTS GONE

It was a brutal loss last night folks.  We will not, nor can we, sugar coat the game results.  The severely, depleted, Bush Pilots squad was defeated 22-2, in a game that seemed further out of reach that that.  We here at TWIS were almost giddy with happiness that the VA Team didn't score 30 fuggin' runs on us. We did manage to get 10 Pilots to the game and even threw in Jeffro Bardelli's son, Cam, and Dugger's son, Jordan.  Hell, why not?   These boys have seen their dads lose for years now, why not make them a part of these beatdowns to understand our standing in world of softball.

Which leads us to:  WHERE HAVE ALL THE BUSH PILOTS GONE?   You fuggers have more excuses. Well, actually this week, no one even bothered to give excuses.  Hell, half of ya never responded.  WTF people?  Man up already.  One game left.  We expect you there!!!

COACH PROC HITS FOR THE CYCLE

Not really, but he did go 3 for 3 in this disgusting mess of a game and at this time would like to congratulate himself.  We believe when a Bush Pilots congratulates oneself, its called, "masterbushing".

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Dawg, when asked to comment on theme of the night.  Due to the youngsters participating on our game, this is a very fitting term.

And, its a cool Nirvana video too...



NO LOOPS

Can Return Al was back in the house!  We had feared the worst (dude is looking bad), but he made a triumphant return.  It was pointed out, he wore a belt to hold up his pants, yet the pants didn't have any belt loops.  We offer this as proof of the No Loop Pants Syndrome:

HURRY UP WITH MY CANS BITCH

At one point, CRA pulled up in the dented, yet stylish Taurus and kept laying on the horn.  This was to get Mitch to hurry up and collect cans for him.  Soon, Grasshopper Mitch will snatch the pebble from the Master's hand and the cycle will become complete.  To hell with the old show Kung Fu, we got the makings of a new show, Can Fu!



FACIAL HAIR

"Draw a mustache on your face next time."  -Coach Proc to Dugger's son Jordan, after Nipsy the Ump called him out for being too  young to play.

BUGS IN THE PISSER

Mitchy gets the weekly award (normally given to Dusty for seeing naked men in the shower) for seeing something odd in the Rotunda Fields whiz house last night.  Pre-game, Mitchy went in there to whiz and saw bugs coming up from the drain of the urinals.  Yes, bugs, many of them, crawling up and out of the urinal.  EWWWWWW.  That building is so fuggin' sickening.

NIPSY NIPPIN'

The umps were once again sitting at the picnic table near the Rotunda Outhouse and were drinking beer out of paper bags.  Rotunda is such a classy, fuckin' joint.

TRI TIP AND DOGS

A big thank you to BigAl for bringing the hot dogs and to Big Country for bringing the Tri Tip.  As usual, "K"ramer outdid himself on the grill.  That tri tip was awesome!

NEXT WEEK

We apologize for the shortened TWIS, but Coach Proc is at home enjoying the last day of his vacation which for most of the week saw him and the family kickin' it back on the beach up in the Traverse City area.  There was no photoshop software available in which to mess with you bastards, but it will return next week.

Speaking of next week, its the last regular season game.  We think we have a playoff game the week after, but aren't sure. 

With that said, get to the game next week.  End of story.

See ya next week at 6:30 at the ballyard.

-COACH PROC

This Week in Softball - The Down Low Edition

People who are playas, chicks that play catcher, steroid users, men who shower at softball parks and those named Trevor, Travis, Mike and Pocahontas...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Down Low Edition

Well America, we are back.  Yes. Back.  You bastages bitched and moaned like school girls due to the lack of TWIS the past two weeks.  Rain outs and work got in the way, so shut the fug up already, cuz we're back!   Y'all missed the Bush Pilots didn't ya?

THE GAME PART 1

The Men of Summertime took the field at 6:35pm last night under beautiful sunny skies and temps in the low 80s.  Our opponent in the first game was Sons of Pitches.  It was a team of mostly young guys who didn't appear to be a day over 25.  We beat 'em down 16-7 and had a good time doing it.  Yes, they played a chick at catcher, so anything less than a win in this game would've constituted pure sissy man gayness on our part, but we digress.  We graciously accepted our victory and moved on to the second game.

STOP HAMMER TIME

No, it wasn't hammer time, but once again, it was SHOWERTIME!  What do we mean by this?  It means our man Dusty once again took a pre-game whiz only to see a grown man nekkid in the Rotunda showers.  What makes this so fugging suspect is that members of the Bush Pilots investigated this shower weeks earlier only to come to the conclusion that their was no way to turn on the water.  So, we would like to know, WHY THE F*CK IS THERE A NAKED UMPIRE IN THE SHOWER ROOM EVERYTIME DUSTY TAKES A PRE-GAME WHIZ?  Much like bucking in for the umps, we are going to suggest putting in some money for Dusty to go to therapy.  No man needs to see this.  No good can come of this.


And seeing as the title of this section refers to a classic M.C. Hammer tune, we bring you this old skool video of the Hammertime itself, "U Can't Touch This"....


THE GAME PART 2

Our second game featured a matchup vs. The Mustangs, a team we have all decided is the team we hate the most.  Its a team full of smartass dickheads.  The game was delayed to due to Shower Ump disappearing for 15 minutes.  Later it was found out, he went near the Shower Shack to knock back a 40 oz. beer.  Good thing he umped hammered in the second game.  Wow another hammered reference in TWIS, we are liking this.  As for the game, we lost 11-4.  It pisses us off to lose to this team as they aren't that good.  Sunsabitches.

THE TREV AND TRAV SHOW

We'd like to thank Trevor and Travis for showing up and making us look like a real team.  Both are younger guys who can play the outfield, which helped us out tremendously.  Thank you fellas.  Come back.  You are needed on Team Bush.

We here at TWIS, think Trev and Trav sounds like the name of a Disney Channel Show.

NOLAN DUGGER

We'd like to sent out congratulations to our pitcher, Doug "Nolan Ryan" Bryant on breaking his season-season strikeout record as he fanned 2 more last night to bring his total to 12 on the year.  Sure, strikeout number 11 was against a girl, but it still counts.  We also would like to send props to him for not celebrating the afforementioned strikeout of the girl as it would've been Bush League.

NO MORE DP FOR BC

To get Big Country out of his hitting into double play funk, Coach Proc had him lead off both games last night.  This ensured the first at-bat could not be a double play.  Big Country responded well and hit the ball like a madman last night.





POKEALOTTATWAT

In between games, our man Dawg found an arrowhead last night while opening his first Labatt Blue Light.  It made him reflect on our nation's history and specifically that of our Native American brothers and sisters.  As he talked about the arrowhead, he referred to Pocahantas, the fine, Native American chick.  However, Dawg referred to either her or the whole finding-the-arrow-situation as "Pokalottatwat".

Dawg knows Native American history.  Look for him this fall at Henry Ford Community College.  He'll be teaching the class "American Indians, Their Weapons, Woman and Gettin' Busy" (History 169).

We recommend all of you register for this class.

BOBBY TK

Many years ago, when the Bush Pilots were called BBoomers, we used to have a guy on the team named Bobby.  Bobby was a spaz.  Literally.  He must've had ADHD or some stupid hyper-active disease, because he was always talking, running, moving, etc.  We also used to have a guy named Tim (T.K.) on the team.  T.K. looked like Magnum P.I. (Tom Selleck).  We only mention this because the Mustangs have a guy on their team that is a Spaz and looks just like T.K., right down to the mullet T.K. used to sport

We offer this photo of T.K. from the Bush Pilot archives.  Damn if the Mullet Spaz from The Mustangs doesn't look like him.

LIONS WIN THE SUPER BOWL

This has nothing to do with softball, but our beloved Lions win The Super Bowl in Madden 11, defeating Peyton Manning and the Colts.  We here at TWIS know this is the closest the Lions will ever come to actually winning the damn thing.  We've watched it 15 times and have teared up everytime.  Someone get us some Kleenex.  We're sobbing like bitches watching vampire movies at this...


HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE

"Is UPS Greg on HGH?"  - Dugger during the first game last night.

And who can blame Dugger for making this accusation?  No one.  UPS has made diving plays, hit the ball like a madman and thrown like a stud all season.  His bionic hip is nothing short of a miracle.

UPS is the man.


GOING YARD AT COMERICA

We just wanted to send some accolades out to Mitchy and "K"ramer on getting to hit off former Detroit Tiger, Dave Rozema, at Comerica Park a few weeks ago.  Here are some pictures:

The men with Dave Rozema outside the Tigers dugout.

The Comerica Park sign.

"K"ramer and the old man, Jim Leyland.





Mitchy and Leyland.







Mitchy taking away a home run in dead centerfield.

Mitchy hits one 325 ft off Dave Rozema.  It almost goes out of the park but falls just short.

MEAN JOE GREEN MOMENT

Before departing the shitty confines of Rotunda Fields, Mitchy and Coach Proc decided to visit the whizzer.  It was locked, so the appropriate business was done behind the building.  On the walk back, they stumbled upon Nipsy Russell the Umpire.  Of course, as you all know from an earlier edition of TWIS, this ump looks and sounds like, now-deceased, comedian, Nipsy Russell.  What ensued was a 15 minute conversation with the man.  He told us of his baseball/softball prowess and how he used to play "With a fifth and a case of beer."  Dude reflected like a mutha fugger and talked about playing ball at a park in Detroit called "Jane Park".  It turns out Mitchy had played there to and the bonding moment was on full force.  Later, Nipsy took off his ump jersey and threw it to Mitch. Coach Proc snapped this picture.

NEXT WEEK

We play a team we haven't played before, "VA", at 6:30 on Field #5.  Be there, and yes, bring a dollar.  Coach Proc will hopefully make it at game time as he will be coming back into town that day.  If not, coordinate things until he gets there.

SOMEONE BRING SOMETHING TO GRILL YOU CHEAP BASTARDS.  Seriously.  Only a handful of you have brought food.

Only a few games left fellas.  Let's make the most of 'em.

Have a good week!

-COACH PROC

This Week in Softball - The Just Say Nein Edition

Those who speak German, Charlie Brown, Those who hit into double plays, Consumers of Beef, Flashers and those named Joern, Mitchell, James and Marc...

This Week in Softball - The Just Say Nein Edition

Well sportsfans, the season's horrendous play continues as the Bush Pilots dropped to a horrific 1-10 record.  Yes.  10 losses.  BUT, we continue to be champions of drinking and eating, so we guess that makes up for the shittiest softball playing ever.

Now, onto the game!
THIS IS A SHITSTORM

We were thoroughly man-handled by the Pterodactyls again last night by a final score of 14-2.

How bad was it?

We believe the Bush Pilots hit into 4 double plays.  Yes, 4 of them.  WTF?  It was ugly.  Pterodactyls were running loose everywhere.  Coach Proc truly believed he had put in the best lineup of the season only to see it go to shit.  At one point, he uttered, "This is a shit storm!"  And damn if it wasn't.  Fuggin' ugly it was.

In the nightcap, Team Bush fought valiantly, but was taken down 3-0, by arguably the best squad in the league from Village Ford.

WELCOME BACK

We'd like to welcome back our long, long, long, lost friend and former coach, T.C.!  After many months of babysitting and surfing for adult-related web-content, our man finally surfaced at Rotunda Fields and had several of the very few hits the Bush Pilots had all night.  Its about time you showed, T.C.!


We also welcomed back our most-manliest man, Jeffy, who was 6 for 6 or 10 for 10 or whatever he said he was last night.  He felt so good (it must've been his cut off sleeved shirt that showed his guns) that he moved himself into the clean-up spot in Game 2.  You da man, Jump.



DOUBLE COUNTRY

Poor Big Country.


He hit into quite a few double plays last night and was not a happy camper about it.




TRI-TIP RETURNS

We send out a HUGE thank you, yet again, to Mister James Cramer ("K"ramer), ladies and gentlemen, for brining and grilling up the Tri-Tip, once again.  It was outstanding!



Thank you to BigAl for bringing the hot dogs and buns (thank your wife Alyson for us, BigAl)




MORE TRI-TIP

These pics speak for themselves!

Yum.

Slicing and dicing!

Lining up for the feast.












NEIN!

Focker practiced his parenting skills last night on Joern's kids.  You see, our man Focker has a newborn at home (Baby Maks) and was getting into the groove for when Maks gets a bit older.  As Joern's kids ran past Focker, he yelled at them very loudly and said, "NEIN!", which, of course, means "NO" in German (Joern and his kids came here from Germany).  Instantly, the rugrats stopped and looked at Focker in fear.  Focker felt great power at that moment and later tried to use this line again, only this time, the little fellas laughed at him and ignored him, much like we do.

DADDY DAY CARE

BFF's Hose and Schmenge ran up to 7-11 for some beer and when they came back had decided to open a daycare business.  Hose said Schmenge would be watching the children and he would provide emergency medical care.




We wish these two nothing but the best in this business endeavor.







FLASHER IN AUSCHWITZ

Coach Proc, Mitchy and Dawg (and later joined by Jump) hit the Auschwitz bathroom last night and after whizzing, promptly decided to have a full-scale investigation of the Rotunda shower room.  After much inspection, it was found out that the water would not turn on in the shower.

Why is this important?

Because last week, our man Dusty saw a dude towelling off in there.  How could this be if the water won't turn on?

There is a flasher at Rotunda Auschwitz.

GOODBYE JOERN

We'd like to say goodbye and best of luck to Bush Pilots fan, Joern.  He and his family won't be working with Mitchy and "K"ramer anymore and are moving to Atlanta.  And GO GERMANY in the World Cup!







NEXT WEEK

No game next week.  Its a bye week due to the 4th of July holiday.  We are back in action on the 15th!  It'll be a single game.  Bring $1 for the ump.  Anyone want to bring something for the grill?  Step up!

In the meantime, have a great Independance Day Holiday.  God Bless America!


-COACH PROC

This Week in Softball - The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars Edition

Those who look like the Oakland Raiders, Nipsy Russell, former Boston Red Sox shortstops, Natty Lovers and guys named Brian, Neil, Joern and Mike...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars Edition

It was a brutal week for the Bush Pilots.  A doubleheader was played last night.  The men fought valiantly. No, we take that back.  The team sucked last night.

Onto the lowlights....

THE GAME

There were not one, but two, vicious beatdowns last night as Team Bush was crushed by both Futaba and Players, 12-1 and 14-5, respectively.  Many errors and of course, poor hitting contributed to these debacles. The only highlight was that we had Nipsy Russell the Ump back in the house for Game 1 against Futaba.

However,  despite the losses last night, we fuggin' ate better than anyone after the game.

So there.  Take that rest of the league.

WELCOME BACK BEAN

The Bush Pilots Softball Club would like to welcome back, our man, Mike "Mr. Bean" McGlinnen to the team.  Bean has taken time out to get married and have two kids, and has now realized, with three woman in his house, he has an incredible need to escape.

When asked how it felt to be back on the diamond again, Bean replied quite simply, "It felt good."

Welcome back Bean!



YOU EVER SEEN A GROWN MAN NAKED?

Upon arrival at Rotunda Fields, Dusty decided he had better hit the head and relieve himself before taking the field.  As he made his way through the entrance to the Auschwitz bathroom, Dusty was horrified to see a naked man, towelling off after using the horrendous looking showers (see the post from last week's TWIS regarding how nasty the shower room is).  Dusty had not planned on seeing a naked man and was obviously traumatized.  This trauma carried over to the field and later to the parking lot.  Dusty has scheduled an hour of time with Dr. Frasier Crane today to discuss how he feels about this and how he now can't get the song, "It's Raining Men" out of his head.

We here at TWIS wish him well with his therapy.

FUTABA

Did we mention, we got our asses kicked, 12-1, by Futaba?  We here at TWIS like to say "Futaba".  It just sounds dirty.

SHINY SHORTS

Here is our man, Eleazar, a.k.a., "Big Country.  We here at TWIS congratulate him on his fine fashion sense.


Check out these shiny shorts he is sportin'.  It looks like something a super hero would wear.  We think a cape and mask would complete the look.




BINGO LONG

Who the fug is Bingo Long you ask?

Well, Bingo Long and his Traveling All-Stars was a movie made in the 70's, with Billy Dee (Colt 45) Williams.  It featured a Harlem Globetrotter-like, baseball team, that traveled the country putting on exhibitions.  Well, the team we played in the second game, the Players, were just like that.  They sang, danced, and chanted shit on their bench throughout the night.  We had to listen to that bullshit through two games.


The Playas could play some ball though and were nice dudes.

Stay tuned for the sequel, "Bean Short and his Stay-at-Home Bush Pilots".



This movie is being shot in Dearborn utilizing Michigan's film tax credit and will star the real Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson.







OVERHEARD QUOTES

These gems were overheard muttered by various Bush Pilot personnel prior to our game with The Players....

"We don't stand a snowman's chance in hell."

"You've heard of the 'Miracle on Ice'?  We need 'Miracle on Field' to beat these guys.  We don't have (famous 1980 Olympic Hockey coach) Herb Brooks.  We've got Herb Semens."

"The over-under is 20 runs for them, 2 for us.  Who wants in on this action."

SHEED!

It was mentioned that The Players first baseman looked like former Piston, Rasheed Wallace.  He really did look like 'Sheed, didn't he?







NOMAR!


Our man Dave was on the bench with Coach Proc and Proc's nephew Neil.  At one point he said, "Doesn't that dude over there (on The Players team) look like (former MLB player) Nomar Garciaparra?"

To which Coach Proc and Neil both said "Which one?"

Uh, yeah.  How about the ONLY one it could be?  Token Garciaparra.  Geez.

We here at TWIS can only shake our head at Coach Proc and Neil for their incredible oversight.

DANCING WITH THE STARS

During the first game, Focker was overheard saying something about, "Dancing with the Bush Pilots".  We have no idea what the fug he was talking about, but look for a Bush Pilot team member to be on the hit TV show this fall.


We knew you could dance, Hose!





"K"RAMER SUPER MODEL

"K"ramer was like a super model last night, posing for pictures with his tri tip.  He was walkin' the Rotunda catwalk...

Mr. James Cramer, and incredible tri-tip prior to grilling.

Jimmy's pre-grill set up.

The marinade was fantastic.

Friggin' Yum.  We believe it was Dawg who said the tri tip was "Ridiculously good."  You da man, "K"ramer!






JOERN THE PHOTOGRAPHER

We'd like to thank Joern for taking pictures last night. 

Nice shot of some of the fellas here.
















And here is one of Focker, contemplating life.







NATTY TIME!

We' like to thank Mr. Gaylord Focker for bringing team beers last night.  Focker went all out and supplied the squad with Bush Lights and Natty Lights.  We thank you, sir. 

Also, thank you to Dugger too for bringing the Michelob Lights.  It was quite the Anheuser Busch Pilots product night.

While the Natty Light reminded us all of beer seltzer water, it was quite refreshing on a warm, summer night.



NEXT WEEK

We have another doubleheader (6:30/7:40) next week.  Same fields as this week.  We need all hands on deck again.  We should have BigAl, Gladiator, Jeremy, etc., back out next week.  T.C, dude, are you alive?  Next week, let's get 15 guys on hand so we can rotate in and out over the two games and start the party early.  Coach Proc will be in Chicago Monday through Wednesday visiting the hallowed confines of Wrigley Field, but will be back for the game, however he most likely won't be sending out the pre-game email.

And....Bring $1 for the umps next week.  We have enough cash to pay for one more game only, so we'll need to bring ump money from here on out.  Seriously, we will have to collect a buck each week so bring it.  No excuses.   Put a $1 in your car's console today after you hit the drive thru, so you'll have it on hand.

Who is bringing something for the grill for next week...VOLUNTEER and email us to let us know!

Have a great week!

-COACH PROC