This Week in Softball - The Outhouse Edition

Those who whiz in outhouses, Futabas, those who carry trophies, last place finishers, Chef Boyardee and those named Zachary, Tim and Wojo....

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Outhouse Edition


Well America, the regular season has come to a conclusion for the Pilots of Bush.  Yet another defeat was laid upon this merry band of shitty softball players.  This time, it was a 22-3 drubbing by the radio-controller, servo-motor people from the Futaba Corporation.  Yes, you read that right.  22-3.  Fug, it was ugly.

THE GAME

After spotting the Futaba bastards a 16-0 lead, the Bush Pilots were successful in getting on the board when Dusty ripped a single to left to score Focker, who had made it to 3rd base on several, Bush Pilot-like throwing errors by Futaba.  It seemed like every Futaba dude batted 8 times each during the game.  Their old man pitcher, who chokes up on the bat like a teenager chokes up on his pecker, finished the season 19-for-20 against Dugger.  That old guy dropped 19 singles (on popups) just over our infielders head in 4 games this season.  He is Dugger's nemesis.

FOCKER OUT $5

Gaylord Focker lost $5 in the parking lot pre-game as he bet UPS Greg's kid, Zachary, that the kid couldn't throw a hardball and hit the porta shitter.  The kid picked up the ball and nailed the crapper.  Focker paid up.  More on throwing baseballs at porta johns later...

THAT AIN'T NO JOKE

We were remiss in last week's TWIS not mentioned Mitchy's catch line of the week last week, "That ain't no joke."  Well, it wasn't a joke that our man hurt his neck making his fall-down catch last week and had to miss the last game of the season.  Travel safe to Florida this week Mitchy and have fun.

I'M ON A BOAT

Post-game, it was mentioned that Hose disappeared.  He was in his truck.  Why, this prompted Dawg to start singing and referring to the song/video of "I'm On A Boat" we do not know.

However, we here at TWIS dig, "I'm On A Boat".  Here's the video:


PLAYING SOUND DEFENSE

Kudos to Dusty for dropping a couple soft ones last night at second base.  Post-game he was still dumbfounded at his lack of defenseive prowess stating, "I didn't see any naked guys in the Auschwitz bathroom tonight, so nothing should've affected me."

Someone yelled out, "Way to hold 'em to one (base), Dusty!"

Its truly heartwarming to see teammates finding the positive out of the negative.

TROPHY

Futaba was spotted taking pictures with their trophy.  Coach Proc was overheard saying, "Look at those f***ers and their trophy."

Coach Proc knows sportsmanship.

CULP FICTION

Our man Face was sporting a most-excellent, "Culp University" shirt last night.  As you can see here, it was most stylish.  We hear the number one class taken by students at Culp University is "Debauchery 101".

If so, Face has a PhD in Debauchery.   You may all call him Professor Face or, Dr. Face.

However, we are more impressed with Face's acting skills in the movie, "Culp Fiction".  Here he is starring alongside, Samuel L. "Mother Fucker" Jackson. 







GRILLING

Great job again by "K"ramer on the grill.


Here he is bitchin' up hot dogs and burgers for the fellas with his most excellent, tailgate setup.

Later in the night, Dugger called "K"ramer, "Chefboyardee".






GETTING TO THIRD BASE

Dawg asked Coach Proc, "What's it like to get to third base?".  Coach Proc described it as "Wonderful, there is a breeze over there."  But to quote a great line from the movie, "American Pie",  ""It feels like warm apple pie..." .

Seeing as its rarity for any Bush Pilot to get to third base during a game and in real life as well, getting this far was like being in uncharted territory as a softball player or a teenager in the backseat of a car.


DOES CHARLIE DANIELS PLAY A MEAN FIDDLE?

We here at TWIS are amazed at how much T.C. sounds like the guy in the Geico commercials that asks questions.

We even think T.C. looks like this dude.

Could it be T.C. in real life?  Is T.C. the "Geico Man"?



NICE LICENSE PLATE

Our man, Mike Schultz has a fishy on his license plate.  A fuggin' shark fishy. 

Not bad.



HIT THE SHITTER

Post-game, the Bush Pilots dined on fine food and imbibed in many beers.  Near the end of the evening, it was decided to take a bucket of hardballs out of UPS Greg's truck and see if anyone had a good enough arm to throw the baseball and hit the porta-john.  Many threw a dollar on the ground and took their best shot.  Round after round was held, until finally, UPS Greg hit the roof of the shitter.  Way to go UPS Greg!  For his reward, he collected $57 off the ground that the fellas had ponied up.  We are proud to report, UPS has paid the ump fees for Monday's playoff game and paid off his kid to ensure he doesn't tell Momma of his windfall.

MONDAY

The "jacket tournament" playoff game will be this Monday at 6:30pm on Field #4 against the New Place Lounge.  Be there!  Let's party on a Monday!

CONDOLENCES

On a serious note...our good friend, Mike "Bean" McGlinnen, lost his dad last night.

Bean, thoughts and prayers go out to you, your dad and your family from your Bush Pilot family and all the fellas.  We all extend our deepest sympathies and are saddened by your loss.


-COACH PROC