This Week in Softball - The Down Low Edition

People who are playas, chicks that play catcher, steroid users, men who shower at softball parks and those named Trevor, Travis, Mike and Pocahontas...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Down Low Edition

Well America, we are back.  Yes. Back.  You bastages bitched and moaned like school girls due to the lack of TWIS the past two weeks.  Rain outs and work got in the way, so shut the fug up already, cuz we're back!   Y'all missed the Bush Pilots didn't ya?

THE GAME PART 1

The Men of Summertime took the field at 6:35pm last night under beautiful sunny skies and temps in the low 80s.  Our opponent in the first game was Sons of Pitches.  It was a team of mostly young guys who didn't appear to be a day over 25.  We beat 'em down 16-7 and had a good time doing it.  Yes, they played a chick at catcher, so anything less than a win in this game would've constituted pure sissy man gayness on our part, but we digress.  We graciously accepted our victory and moved on to the second game.

STOP HAMMER TIME

No, it wasn't hammer time, but once again, it was SHOWERTIME!  What do we mean by this?  It means our man Dusty once again took a pre-game whiz only to see a grown man nekkid in the Rotunda showers.  What makes this so fugging suspect is that members of the Bush Pilots investigated this shower weeks earlier only to come to the conclusion that their was no way to turn on the water.  So, we would like to know, WHY THE F*CK IS THERE A NAKED UMPIRE IN THE SHOWER ROOM EVERYTIME DUSTY TAKES A PRE-GAME WHIZ?  Much like bucking in for the umps, we are going to suggest putting in some money for Dusty to go to therapy.  No man needs to see this.  No good can come of this.


And seeing as the title of this section refers to a classic M.C. Hammer tune, we bring you this old skool video of the Hammertime itself, "U Can't Touch This"....


THE GAME PART 2

Our second game featured a matchup vs. The Mustangs, a team we have all decided is the team we hate the most.  Its a team full of smartass dickheads.  The game was delayed to due to Shower Ump disappearing for 15 minutes.  Later it was found out, he went near the Shower Shack to knock back a 40 oz. beer.  Good thing he umped hammered in the second game.  Wow another hammered reference in TWIS, we are liking this.  As for the game, we lost 11-4.  It pisses us off to lose to this team as they aren't that good.  Sunsabitches.

THE TREV AND TRAV SHOW

We'd like to thank Trevor and Travis for showing up and making us look like a real team.  Both are younger guys who can play the outfield, which helped us out tremendously.  Thank you fellas.  Come back.  You are needed on Team Bush.

We here at TWIS, think Trev and Trav sounds like the name of a Disney Channel Show.

NOLAN DUGGER

We'd like to sent out congratulations to our pitcher, Doug "Nolan Ryan" Bryant on breaking his season-season strikeout record as he fanned 2 more last night to bring his total to 12 on the year.  Sure, strikeout number 11 was against a girl, but it still counts.  We also would like to send props to him for not celebrating the afforementioned strikeout of the girl as it would've been Bush League.

NO MORE DP FOR BC

To get Big Country out of his hitting into double play funk, Coach Proc had him lead off both games last night.  This ensured the first at-bat could not be a double play.  Big Country responded well and hit the ball like a madman last night.





POKEALOTTATWAT

In between games, our man Dawg found an arrowhead last night while opening his first Labatt Blue Light.  It made him reflect on our nation's history and specifically that of our Native American brothers and sisters.  As he talked about the arrowhead, he referred to Pocahantas, the fine, Native American chick.  However, Dawg referred to either her or the whole finding-the-arrow-situation as "Pokalottatwat".

Dawg knows Native American history.  Look for him this fall at Henry Ford Community College.  He'll be teaching the class "American Indians, Their Weapons, Woman and Gettin' Busy" (History 169).

We recommend all of you register for this class.

BOBBY TK

Many years ago, when the Bush Pilots were called BBoomers, we used to have a guy on the team named Bobby.  Bobby was a spaz.  Literally.  He must've had ADHD or some stupid hyper-active disease, because he was always talking, running, moving, etc.  We also used to have a guy named Tim (T.K.) on the team.  T.K. looked like Magnum P.I. (Tom Selleck).  We only mention this because the Mustangs have a guy on their team that is a Spaz and looks just like T.K., right down to the mullet T.K. used to sport

We offer this photo of T.K. from the Bush Pilot archives.  Damn if the Mullet Spaz from The Mustangs doesn't look like him.

LIONS WIN THE SUPER BOWL

This has nothing to do with softball, but our beloved Lions win The Super Bowl in Madden 11, defeating Peyton Manning and the Colts.  We here at TWIS know this is the closest the Lions will ever come to actually winning the damn thing.  We've watched it 15 times and have teared up everytime.  Someone get us some Kleenex.  We're sobbing like bitches watching vampire movies at this...


HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE

"Is UPS Greg on HGH?"  - Dugger during the first game last night.

And who can blame Dugger for making this accusation?  No one.  UPS has made diving plays, hit the ball like a madman and thrown like a stud all season.  His bionic hip is nothing short of a miracle.

UPS is the man.


GOING YARD AT COMERICA

We just wanted to send some accolades out to Mitchy and "K"ramer on getting to hit off former Detroit Tiger, Dave Rozema, at Comerica Park a few weeks ago.  Here are some pictures:

The men with Dave Rozema outside the Tigers dugout.

The Comerica Park sign.

"K"ramer and the old man, Jim Leyland.





Mitchy and Leyland.







Mitchy taking away a home run in dead centerfield.

Mitchy hits one 325 ft off Dave Rozema.  It almost goes out of the park but falls just short.

MEAN JOE GREEN MOMENT

Before departing the shitty confines of Rotunda Fields, Mitchy and Coach Proc decided to visit the whizzer.  It was locked, so the appropriate business was done behind the building.  On the walk back, they stumbled upon Nipsy Russell the Umpire.  Of course, as you all know from an earlier edition of TWIS, this ump looks and sounds like, now-deceased, comedian, Nipsy Russell.  What ensued was a 15 minute conversation with the man.  He told us of his baseball/softball prowess and how he used to play "With a fifth and a case of beer."  Dude reflected like a mutha fugger and talked about playing ball at a park in Detroit called "Jane Park".  It turns out Mitchy had played there to and the bonding moment was on full force.  Later, Nipsy took off his ump jersey and threw it to Mitch. Coach Proc snapped this picture.

NEXT WEEK

We play a team we haven't played before, "VA", at 6:30 on Field #5.  Be there, and yes, bring a dollar.  Coach Proc will hopefully make it at game time as he will be coming back into town that day.  If not, coordinate things until he gets there.

SOMEONE BRING SOMETHING TO GRILL YOU CHEAP BASTARDS.  Seriously.  Only a handful of you have brought food.

Only a few games left fellas.  Let's make the most of 'em.

Have a good week!

-COACH PROC