This Week in Softball - The Where The Fug is Everyone Edition

Men who look like Jump, Tahini sauce lovers, those who like lemon in their beer, Jesus and those named Bill, Paula and Drew....

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Where The Fug is Everyone Edition

Hello America.  We trust you are having a wonderful day.  Thank you for reading TWIS.  It is much appreciated.

Now, onto the highlights...

THE BUSH PILOT 9 - A POEM BY COACH PROC

A perfect game?  We think not.
We were beaten like Joyce on Armando.  Beaten like snot.
A whipping of epic proportions was handed down.
But the Bush Pilot 9 would not get down.

Yes, only 9 took the field that day.
The grass in the outfield was cut and looked like hay.
Singles, doubles, triples fell all over the place.
But all of the Bush Pilot 9 played with grace.

For the fate of the Pilots was sealed that day.
Due to soccer and Little League and kids at play.
A ringer and Big Country helped out that night.
An injured Dawg could not help with the fight.

UPS and his appendix scar gallantly played.
As hits all over were perfectly sprayed.
A challenge to hit the outhouse in centerfield was heard,
But the Bush Pilot 9 hit like a collective nerd.

So mother fuckers, listen and listen well.
No more excuses, its time to jell.
Get your butts out to the park next week and no more sass,
or Coach Proc will go medieval all over your ass.


WHERE THE FU*K ARE YOU PEOPLE?

OK, the fine literary portion of this week's TWIS is now over.  Time for a beatdown of you people.  What the fu*k?  20+ of you on the roster and only 8 make it and of the 8, UPS just recovered from an appendix operation (and was man enough to play) and Dawg was still injured with a torn calf muscle.  No more babies, no more baseball, softball, babysitting, tiddlywinks or other bullshit.  Get to the park next week. Coach Proc isn't dickin' around no more.  You've all been put on probation.

THE  GAME

The Bush Pilots went down by a final score of 17-5.  It really seemed much worse than this and the fact that we only lost by 12, was quite remarkable SEEING AS WE ONLY FIELDED NINE PLAYERS, but, we already said this, didn't we?  Our opponents, the men from Futaba, really weren't that good.  Actually they sucked, which made this beatdown even worse.  Coach Proc told the Futabers that next time the two teams meet up, the Bush Pilots will have a full squad and will beat the shit out of them.

FUTABA

Just what is a Futaba you ask? 

Its a company in Plymouth, MI, that makes radio controls.  We here are TWIS believe they are for radio controlled cars, airplanes, etc.



BAND AID

"Anybody got a band aid?"  - Dubya before the game started.  It appears he had a blister.  He should've asked Jesus to heal it for him.  More on that later.

JUMP DOPPELGANGER

Dubya had a buddy that showed up to watch the game.  As viewed from behind the fence, all thought it was our man Jump.  Coach Proc started to say, "Hey mutha fugga, you grew your goatee back!", but caught himself, when he realized the imposter (we believe his real name is Bill) was not actually Jump. 

David Lee befriended Jump the Second. We still believe Dave did not know this actually wasn't Jump.  So, no one tell Dave and ruin his good time.

WWJW OR WHAT WOULD JESUS WEAR (FOOTWEAR)

Due to several thousand beatdowns and questions about his manliness, Hose has ditched his wife's blue Crocs and is now sporting Jesus sandals.

We here at TWIS are not going to pass judgment on this.  Afterall, sandals are fashionable and comfortable summer footwear.  We actually believe that are better than chick's Crocs.

Dubya suggested that Hose could walk on water.  It was not believed, until this picture was sent into TWIS.

For more on this fascinating subject, click here the link below:

Jesus Sandals, The History Behind the World's Only Christian Footwear






HEAL THYSELF

Dawg was wondering if Hose could heal himself.  Notice this wound on Hose's hand.  We have no idea if this is leprosy, ebola or just a simple, boo boo of some sort.  Now that we think about it, we are wondering just how and why the fug this picture was taken in the first place.

Also, it should be noted, no band aid was found to cover Dubya's blister.  However, the last we heard, it miraculously healed itself in the 3rd inning last night.

TAHINI SAUCE

While this has nothing to do with softball, it should be noted that Coach Proc's nephew Tommy made lamb burgers with Tahini sauce last night.  We here at TWIS like the word "Tahini" and recommend you say it out loud right now.



SUMMER SHANDY

Many in attendance last night were drinking Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy.  This beer contains lemonade and was deemed very refreshing by those drinking it.  Dugger the Bud Man was not in attendance or he would've been horrified.  We believe Dugger needs to bring some form of summer refreshment to next week's game in order to get people back on the Bud Train.

Also, bring beer next week people.  Everyone has been running out of beer far too early.  Maximize you coolers!

GOOD EATS

Thank you to Dubya and Coach Proc for brining hot dogs.   Thank you David Lee for grilling them.  It was a good thing Coach Proc grabbed his camping grill at the last minute.

Next week, someone needs to volunteer to bring dogs and buns.  Do we have a volunteer?


NEXT WEEK

It apppears a team called the "Renegades" had to drop out of the league.  They have been replaced by a bunch of Ford Summer Interns and are now called, "Sons of Pitches".  No, we here at TWIS aren't making this shit up.  Anyhow, if you see Renegades on the schedule, it'll be the young interns we'll be playing.

So are we playing Sons of Pitches next week?  No, we get the Pterodactyls, yet again.  6:30 at Field #7.

We expect MANY of you to be in attendance.  You've all been warned.

Have a great week.

-COACH PROC