This Week in Softball - The Das Boot (The Boat for you non-German speakers) Edition

Those who grill on the run, people who make major purchases during a game, babies that cry, and guys named Astro, Sully and Jeremy....

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Das Boot Edition

Hello all.

You non-German speakers (all of you), are probably wondering why we chose to call this edition of TWIS, "The Das Boot Edition".  Quite simply put, Das Boot means "The Boat" in English.

Let's sail into TWIS shall we?

THE GAME

Fourteen Bush Pilots were in the house last night!  Well, more like 11 and some ringers, but hey, we'll take it.  Participation is what its all about.  We believe Coach Proc's tongue lashing of you bastards last week turned the tide.  As for the game, the Bush Pilots dropped a tight one, 6-5, to our best friends and only team we seem to play, The Pterodactyls.  Team Pterodactyl scored six times in the second inning to put the game out of reach.  Now mind you, they never scored after that.

What caused this 6-run inning, thus leading to the demise of the Bush Pilots?

The Boat.

Yes, we blame this loss on The Boat.

DAS BOOT

Our man Dugger, whilst cruising downriver in the fine City of Wyandotte, Michigan, stumbled upon a great deal.  You see, there was a beautiful, 16-foot boat for sale.  It was like a beacon of light, beckoning our man to come to it.  After negotiating like a used car salesman, our man was able to score a $6000 boat for $2800.  A most-excellent score!

However...

The transaction to pay for The Boat, was never finalized.  The seller agreed to meet with our man and take payment.  Dugger, being the shrewd man he is, convinced the seller to come to Rotunda Fields.  So, in the second inning, a strange dude was in the dugout.  No one knew him but our man Dugger, who said, "Proc, put in Big Country to pitch the second inning, I have to pay this guy for The Boat."

And, off to the parking lot they went.

Meanwhile, Big Country, was getting jacked around by the ump, whose strike zone was the size of a pea.  Several walks and hits later, the Pterodactyls had scored 6 runs.   All with two outs.  Yes.  With two outs.  How very Bush Pilot of us.

When his major purchase transaction  was over, Dugger, now the proud owner of The Boat, was greeted by Coach Proc who promptly told him, "Get your ass in the game!  Now!  Just get out to the mound!"

Dugger then relieved Big Country and got the final out, but by now, the damage had been done.  A furious Bush Pilots rally fell just short in the 7th inning.

BIG COUNTRY

This has nothing to do with our main ringer, Big Country, other than the fact, we here at TWIS have always liked this song by the band, Big Country....



CAPTAIN SULLY

Our ump, who sucked by the way, looked just like Captain Sully, the airplane pilot who landed that big plane on the Hudson River. 



Rock on Sully, but you can't ump worth a shit.

JEREMY SPOKEN

We'd like to thank Jeremy for coming out and playing last night.  Jeremy is a friend of The Gladiator, "K"ramer and Big Country.  The dude is a good softball player and as it turns out, a good dad too.  He young son cried the whole game, except for the final few innings when Jeremy left the dugout to hold him.  If any one would've told us here at TWIS, we would've had a boat seller and a baby in our dugout last night, we would not have believed them.  Stay tuned next week as clowns and hookers will join us on the bench.

Speaking of Jeremy, it reminds us of that tune by Pearl Jam.

Man, TWIS is going old skool MTV on your asses today...



SPEAKING OF ASSES

Speaking of asses, a member of the Pterodactyls walked to the guardrail by Field #7, whipped down his shorts and whizzed, showing off a moonshot to all in the parking lot.

On his way to Urine Grove, in the spirit of revenge, Focker whipped down his pants and gave those Pterodactyls a whole lotta ass in return.

Focker is the man.

DADDY FOCKER

And we here at TWIS would like to say "Congrtulations" to Focker and his wife, Hilary, on the birth of Baby Maks.  Also, congrats to Bean and his lovely wife, Heidi, on the birth of Baby Girl Bean 2.  Bean, get thee to the park next week!

Also, thanks to Focker for the most awesome Arturo Fuente Don Carlos torpedo cigars...







...Also, Focker was the man for bringing the Steak of Hot Dogs, Hebrew Nationals!  And also a thank you to "K"ramer for his grillin' prowess.





WHO THE F*** IS __________?

After severals years of service with Team Bush, you think everyone would know everyone's names.  But, this is not the case.  Last night, Dubya had no idea who several team members were/are.

First off, someone mentioned former coach, now missing-in-action, Carney, to which Dubya said, "Who the fuck is Carney?"  (Dubya also didn't know who someone else was either, but we here at TWIS are tired and a bit hungover to remember who else's name he fugged up).

When told that Carney is actually T.C., Dubya grinned and say, "Oh yeah!"

It goes to show ya, that everyone is known by their nickname on this team.


HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

If you see this man, please have him report to Rotunda Fields with his glove and a 12-pack.

UP IN SMOKE

As Team Bush began post-game libations, a hoopty van came rolling out of the back woods of Rotunda Fields.  This van was moving, but had smoke billowing out of it.  Turns out, the Playas, the brutha team, had begun their grill, literally, in the back parking lot and were now moving it to the front.  They were grillin' like madmen.  It smelled good too.





BURGER KING

The King was in da house last night!

Not only were we in the presence of one superstar last night, but no, we had two, commercial superstars with us!

The "real" Burger King made an appearance at Club Rotunda and was joined by Hose, the Burger King Small Hands Guy.  We have never been in such esteemed company.  Word is Ronald McDonald and the ETrade Baby will be in the house next week.



BUSH PILOTS ART

A good work of art is like a beautiful expression of mankind.  These works of art, are an expression of the Bush Pilot kind.

We believe their merits speak for themselves.

Sick bastages.  All of ya.

These will soon be on display at the Lourve Museum in Paris.

NEXT WEEK

Join us next week as we take on the Mustangs at 6:30 on Field #6.

In the meantime, finalize all your purchase transactions, go boating and watch MTV.

We expect another large group of Bush Pilots out next week!

-COACH PROC