This Week in Softball - The European on My Car Edition

Tiger Woods, Mickey Mouse, Those who fart at will, People who indulge on sausage, Freesytle whizzers, and those named Schultz, Salazar and Yjorn...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The European on My Car Edition

It was a beautiful night for softball.  Temps were in the low 80s, the sky was blue, babies were everywhere and the Bush Pilots lost.

Ah, normalcy.

Onto the game...

THE GAME

The Bush Pilots got out to an 8-1 lead over the Mustangs last night.  It appeared that Team Bush would finally get their second win of the season.  But no.  Some fielding gaffs and a complete lack of hitting after the 5th inning and the Pilots dropped one, 10-9, in extra innings last night.

However, our man Dugger struck out 3 (or was it 4) batters last night setting a career high.  Nolan Ryan Dugger was on fire.  Seriously, how can that many people strike out in SLOW PITCH softball?  You usually get one or two, but not 3 or more.

SAUSAGE KING OF DEARBORN OR A MIGHTY WIND

"I'm full of sausage and beer." - Dubya

He was full of shit too.  Literally.  Damn Dubya stunk.  He was on the bench farting to beat the band.  He laid out a cloud of stank so bad, it wafted past Coach Proc on the bench, who immediately had to fight the downwind stench and move.  Dubya deemed his gas as "evil".  This was a direct result of all the beer he drank and all the sausages he put down at the Tigers-Nationals game.  By the time Dubya hit Rotunda Fields, the sausages and beer had manifested themselves into the cloud of death.

We hear at TWIS suggest Beano before eating any gas causing foods.  Dubya, please take note of this.


ST. LOUIS SANS?

Mitchy's lovely wife, Sandy, was on hand to watch us last night.  She was sporting a nice, red visor with "STL" on it.  Well, as we all know this is the logo of the St. Louis Cardinals.

When asked what  the logo stood for, Sandy replied, "San Lodge".

Alirghty then.

We here at TWIS will leave the meaning of the "T" in the logo to interpretation.


HELIHOSE?

The University of Michigan -- GO BLUE! -- medical helicopter flew overhead last night.  This prompted us to realize that our man of medical, Hose, was not in the house.  Schmenge commented, "Was Hose called into duty on his way to the game?"

We don't believe he was called in, but would bet he was taking his wife out to dinner for their 4th anniversary.  Congrats to Mr. Hose (Jason) and Mrs. Hose (Amy).



BUSH PILOT FARM SYSTEM

The youngest Bush Pilot, Baby Schmenge made his was up to Rotunda last night.  Baby Reid is the man.  And, as you can see here, our man is sporting the logo of the Bush Pilots, which, coincidentally, was designed by his proud momma, Kimmie.

We here at Team Bush believe you are never too young to start your traning on being a Bush Pilot.

Stay tuned next week as Baby Schmenge pees on someone's car and picks up cans.

Damn if this picture isn't cute.  Makes us want to squish the little fella.





THE SCHULTZ THROW

Years ago, our second baseman was Mike Schultz. He was part of a play that was to become the stuff of legends.  You see, Mike was playing second base.  There was a man on first and the ball was hit to the shortstop (either Dugger or Jump we believe), who then flipped it to Mike who stepped on the bag and turned to fire to Proc at first base.  At this point, Mike threw the ball, 95 miles an hour, STRAIGHT INTO THE BACK OF THE DUDE SLIDING INTO SECOND BASE.  As reported over the generations, this throw, would go on to known as, "The Schultz Throw."  It would become legendary.  Mythic almost.

And then, last night, out of nowhere, Mike showed up to the game (he lives here part-time and in Orlando, Florida near Tiger Woods and Mickey Mouse).  After the game, during post-game libations and sausage, he began to tell his version of the story.  He claimed he was going to complete the double play throw, but that Coach Proc was not on first base, so he tried to hold up the throw and ended up whipping it into the poor bastard's back, and subsequently emptying both benches.

Coach Proc laughed and said no way, he was ready for the throw and watched the entire play take place.  Dawg and Mitchy backed up Coach Proc's version and thus a new controversey has been born.  Its like the Kennedy  assassination thing.  Was there another shooter on the grassy knoll?  Was Coach Proc looking away and thus the cause of "The Schultz Throw"?

Fuck no.  Mike threw it like an ass wipe as anyone that was there will tell you.

Until a Bush Pilot, "Zapruder" film of this shows, up, we are sticking by the original version of the story.

MITCHY TRAINS FOR RETIREMENT JOB

Planning for retirement isn't easy.

You have to sock money away, meet up with financial advisors, decided on where to live and in general, plan for you future as a retiree.

That is why we here at TWIS recommend the Can Return Al Investment Plan.  In as little as two hours, you too, can train for a great, retirement career in can collecting returning.

Start your retirement career training today....

You'll learn things like:

• How to professionally pick up cans.
• How to just say "no" to bottles.

• How to eat fresh spaghetti at The Ponderosa.
• How to use "the claw" to pick up empties that are out of your reach or that you are too lazy to bend over for.
• How to look stylish with your pants pulled up to your tits.
• How to drive a banged up, gold Taurus and get the chicks.

This can be all yours for the price of a bag of empties when you sign up for the Can Return Al Investment Plan.

As you can see here, our man Mitchy has signed up and is learning at the hands of Yoda CRA.










WHO IS TOM?

For the second week in a row, Dubya didn't know one of his teammates.  Coach Proc was talking about Tom Skelly, to which Dubya said, "Who is Tom?".

Next week, would each of you take time out and introduce yoursleves and your real names to George "Dubya" Galay so he'll know who the fuck you are.

Thank you.

ROTUNDA AUSCHWITZ?

Coach Proc, Dawg and Schmenge walked to the restrooms last night.  While this isn't shocking, it should be noted that it wasn't quite dark enough to relieve onself outside, so the walk commenced.  After doing their duty, the three adventurers looked in the back of the restroom to see there were showers there.  You see, back in its heyday, Rotunda was THE place to be for softball, tournaments, etc., and like the rest of the Detroit area, it has fallen into disrepair.

Schmenge likened the shower room to Auschwitz. 

If you look at a picture of the real Auschwitz and Rotunda, its not that far off.

Man, what a creepy place.

BRING FOOD!

Coach Proc would like to thank himself for bringing food --- again.  Alright people.  Time to step up.  Proc has brought chow three times.  Mitchy, Focker and Dubya have contributed to the other games.

Who is next?  Dugger...you got enough venison to feed 15+ people?

BRING BEER!

People, you know you play softball on Thursday.  Put a cooler in your ride and make the 5-minute stop for a six or twelve pack and some ice on the way to the game.  Its pretty simple.  Party store will get you in and out quickly.

WORLD CUP

As this is being written, Team Germany is losing in the World Cup of soccer.  Do we really care?  No, but we hope for Team Bush's friend, Yjorn from Germany, that the Germans can prevail.  Go Deutschland!

MAN, ER, CHICK IN BLACK

Mitchy's daughter Holly was dressed all in black last night and reminded us of Johnny Cash.




Here, Coach Proc requests Holly play, "I Walk The Line".




Here is the real Man in Black performing "I Walk The Line"....



GREG NORTH?

Why is it, UPS Greg looks like so many famous people?

Last night, Dugger's son Jordan, kept referring to him as TV sitcom star, Ray Ramano (of "Everybody Loves Raymond") and Dugger kept saying he looks like adult film star, Peter North.  We here at TWIS have always though he looked like Channel 4 weatherman, Chuck Gadica, but we may have to rethink this.

So who do you think UPS looks like?  The Peter North comparison is pretty damn close, isn't it?

PEEING ON CARS OR IN STREET TALK -- EUROPEAN ON MY CAR

Late last night, as Dawg, Coach Proc and Schmenge returned from the Auschwitz restroom, Drunk Focker decided he has to pee too.  But, this son bitch didn't walk to the can, no sir, he just opened up the door on Coach Proc's Fusion and started to whiz.  No mind, you he was whizzing on the ground, but an infuriated Coach Proc, gave him a Kung Fu kick to the ass which prompted some overspray that had to be cleaned up.

Next time you will walk to Auschwitz, Focker!

NEXT WEEK

Next week we have a doubleheader.  Game 1 is at 6:30 at field #5 against Futaba.  Game #2 is right after that on Field #6 against the brother team, Players.

BRING FOOD.  BRING BEER.  BRING YOURSELF.

We need all hands on deck for these games.  T.C. and Bean will both be back in the house next week!

Have a great week everyone and don't piss on anything you shouldn't.

-COACH PROC