This Week in Softball - The Colt 45 Edition

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Beekeepers, Nipsy Russell, lazy ass umps and guys named Neil, Kevin and Eleazar....

Well all, Memorial Day weekend is upon us!  Let summer begin!  Time to grill!  Time for beer!  And time for another edition of TWIS!  With that said....


Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Colt 45 Edition


RUN OVER BY A MUSTANG

It was a hot ass night at the ball park last night.  Temps were in the mi-80s, it was humid as hell and we had those white, cotton-looking seeds that fall off the trees (they look like snow) floating in the air.  It was most surreal to say the least.

As for the game, the Bush Pilots were dismantled by the Mustangs, 15-7.  It seemed like a more lopsided score than that and would've been, had not for the fact we tagged out one of their baserunners not once, but twice for stupid, baserunning.  Who knows how bad the beatdown would've been had he not been a dumbass, we we digress.  The Mustangs hit everything in site.  Nothing our man Dugger threw them was beyond reproach.  The smacked everything.  Team Bush now stands at 1-3.  Isn't is funny, how we always manage to have a shitty record?  What's up with that?

UMPS ON STRIKE

The 6:30pm game time approached an no umps were to be found on the field.  Where were they?  Well, they were off in the distance, sitting on top of a picnic table, near the shitter building, drinking beer.  It turns out, these geniuses need the Umpire Boss Guy to tell them which field to ump.  Finally about 6:45, Umpire Boss Guy showed up and gave out field orders.  Our ump ended up being a brother dude, who strolled into the outfield on a slow walk to home plate.  And we here at TWIS mean SLOW.  This son-bitch couldn't be bothered to move his skinny ass any faster than a fuggin' snail.  He had no problem that he kept us waiting.  Oh fug no.  Ass wipe.  More on him later.

NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK

We'd like to extend a thank you to Mitchy's son-in-law Scott and soon-to-be-son-in-law, Kevin, for showing up as full-fledged ringers and playing for us last night.  Although we ended up with 12 guys, it was touch and go there for awhile as to if we'd have enough guys to play.  Good work outta you fellas.  And a big thank you to Big Country for showing up again.  It was good to have some youth out there.

GERMANY  TO WIN THE WORLD CUP?

We'd also like to give a shoutout to a friend of the Bush Pilots, Yjorn.  Yes, we know that isn't how to spell his name, but its how we like to do it.  Turns out, Yjorn won't be working at Kuehne-Nagel with Mitchy and "K"ramer anymore.  Very sad.  However, Yjorn was sporting a most-cool, German soccer shirt.  For you soccer fans (are there any besides TWIS reader, Bob "Chainsaw" Bentley?), the World Cup starts in a few weeks.

We here at TWIS are anxiously awaiting the Arkansas Rugby get-down that'll happen next year.  Bush Pilot friend/fan, Art from Arkansas will be playing in that shindig.  That rugby is some tough shit.  Football without pads and helmets.

Here is our man, Art, sporting his Bush Pilots shirt by the Welcome to Arkansas sign. 





DRUNK FOCKER

"I'm sitting here (on the bench) drinking for the next hour and five minutes.  And then I'm outta here.  Don't put me in" --Focker

Of course, he played.  We put him in for awhile at Catcher, D.H., and D.F. (Drunk Focker).  All was good.  He even befriended the ump who later made fun of him for hitting it back to the pitcher.

THE BEEKEEPER

Over on Field number 6, a player was causing quite a stir on our bench.  It turns out, a dude was wearing a beekeeper's hat.  Dawg, Focker and Coach Proc's nephew, Neil, were all over this and did their due diligence to get a picture of this tool.

We here at TWIS would also like to call out this dickwad's pants.







BURGER KING SMALL HANDS GUY

Hose made an adventurous catch behind the plate last night.  A popup sailed high in the air and he sprang to action.  It seemed like an enternity that the ball was in the air.  Would he catch it?  Would it drop?  Would Focker open another beer?

In the end, the ball hit his glove, only to pop back out.  However, Hose made the catch while short-handing his glove.

It reminded us of the Burger King small hands guy.



COLT 45 "WORKS EVERY TIME!"

In honor of Coach Proc's 45th birthday, Jeffro presented Coach Proc with a gift -- a 40oz. Colt 45 in a paper bag.  That is some good shit.  You da man Jeffro.

Coach Proc has now taken over for Billy Dee Williams as the official spokeperson for this fine, malt liquor.

But then again, we think last night's ump could be the new, Colt 45 spokesperson.





NIPSEY RUSSELL

Speaking of the ump...back in the 70's and 80's, it seemed like every game show on TV had comedian, Nipsey Russell on as a panelist.  Well, he disappeared from TV and now we know why.  He took up softball umpiring.  Yes, Nipsey is now a red-shirted, softball ump.  Of course, the real Nipsey Russell has passed away (R.I.P. Nipsey), but his doppelganger, was alive and well last night.  This mother fugger cracked jokes, made fun of people, gave coaching instructions and wandered off at-will, to talk to people.  Not only was the fuck-head late to start the game, he extended it with all the bullshit he did.  Now granted, making fun of Focker was pretty funny, but the rest of this guy's act got pretty old, not to mention us getting old due to the length of our game.

We were able to capture this pic of the ump in action.







NEXT WEEK

Next week, we take on Futaba at 6:30 at Field #7 (Urine Grove).  Let's get a good turnout fellas.  Don't be making me chase your assses down.  Be there.  Doug-O, you back?  Bean, you alive?  Baby Bean born?  Need to get out of the house?  Focker should be a daddy by then himself.  T.C., be there!

And, you Facebookers, get us some more fans on our Facebook Fan Page -->  Bush Pilots Fan Page

We here at TWIS wish you a great, holiday weekend. Fire up those grills people!  Summer is here.

-COACH PROC