This Week in Softball - The Bee Gees Play Softball Edition

World Champion boxers, those who wear batting helmets, hawks that eat rats, and guys' named Hedge, Salazar and Barry Gibb...

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Bee Gees Play Softball Edition


A SEE SAW AFFAIR

It was a hard-fought contest last night at dusty, Rotunda Fields.  Unfortunately, the Bush Pilots went down to defeat to the Mustangs by a final score of 13-12.  We fought by like a cornered boxer (more on boxing later) and overcame a 12-7 deficit to tie the game at 12-12 in the top of the 7th.  Team Mustangs were able get the winning run across on a sacrifice fly in the bottom of the inning.  In all fairness, our fielding SUCKED.  We had the Bush Pilot meltdown inning where 6 runs were scored on us with two outs.  Errors will kick ya in the azz everytime.

But, fug the game...its the beer we're here for anyway!

NICE WARM UP TOSS

We here at TWIS would like to give a shout out to our man Jump for air mailing a warmup throw over Coach Proc's head at first base.  Not only did the ball go over his head, it went over the fence, over the bleachers, down the hill and across Rotunda Street, never to be seen again.

BIG COUNTRY

A big thank you goes out to Big Country, or Salazar, or whatever his real name is, for coming out and filling in on the mound in the absence of Dugger.  Seeing as he can run, hit, throw, and actually has athletic ability -- unlike most on the team -- we'd like to see him show up more often, every game even.  Maybe we could have him bring 9 more of his athletic friends and the rest of us can just sit in the stands and drink.  We can still wear our uniforms though.

BATTING HELMET

We'd like to know why there was a batting helmet laying in our dugout? 

This is slow pitch softball.  We don't need helmets.

Or is it because one of you is a rider on the short bus? 

CRA THE BOXER

It was brought to our attention last night, that our good friend and smelly can collector, Can Return Al, was a boxer back in the mid-1950s, and supposedly, a good one at that.  The umpire at our game last night, grew up in the same neighborhood as CRA and has known him for nearly 50 years.  It turns out the tit-high, pant-wearing, old fella's real name is Aman Alfred Hedge.  Who would've figured him out to be a championship boxer?

Sure as f**k not us.


CPR ON CRA

"I hope I'm not here when that guy croaks."  - Hose

Yes, our man of the rescue squad, Hose, uttered these words as Can Return Al was walking away.  It dawned on Hose that he is the only member of Team Bush that is qualified to save a life.  We here at TWIS think Hose would spring into action to save the old fella should something happen. And, by chance, if something did happen to CRA, we'd have him laid out in state at the field like Tigers did for Ernie Harwell (R.I.P. Ernie), only instead of flowers around him, we'd have empty, returnable cans.  It would only be fitting.

UPS DELIVERS

We'd like to send out a huge, "Welcome Back", to team member UPS Greg!  Many years and a artificial hip later, UPS is back on the diamond and better than ever.  We here at TWIS think that new hip must be fugging bionic or something seeing as how  UPS hit with power and made several very nice plays at third base last night.  After the game, he was sporting a nice shirt with his nickname on it.  We have provided pictures.  The first picture is a good pic of our man.  In the second one, he looks like a gay druid. 

We here at TWIS think UPS Greg moonlights on WDIV, Channel 4, as Chuck Gaidica, doing weather.

NICE WRITING

While keeping score, Coach Proc commented on how nice the printing was on the Mustang's side of the scoresheet.  Within seconds, he was called out for being ghey.  Coach Proc then went onto say the printing bordered on caligraphy, it was that nice.  Suffice to say, it was far nicer that the chicken scratch shit we put on our scoresheet.  Seriously, its nearly fuggin impossible to read our shit.

DUSTY

Dusty threatened the editorial staff at TWIS not to mention his errors in rightfield last night.  So, we will not mention them at all.

Instead we will run a picture of Dusty's head in the place where we would've talked about the errors.

SPEAKING OF GHEY

As Team Bush prepared for our 7th inning comeback, someone on the bench said, "Let's stay alive!".

We find nothing wrong with that statement.  Its inspirational, motivational, and downright, a good saying.

However...it was taken too far.

"Let's stay alive!" morphed into several on the bench singing the Bee Gees song, "Stayin' Alive", complete with the high, falsetto voices.

Now that was completely GHEY.  Horrifying even.

We here at TWIS, call out George "Dubya" Galay and Matt "Gaylord Focker" Glomski, for singing this song.  We still suspect a third voice was singing, but no one has been man enough to come out and admit this.

This is just terrible.   It made all forgot how ghey Coach Proc's writing comment was.  It went too far.  Everyone is banned from singing any Bee Gees song ever, for any reason.  Never again we say!

Just for that, we offer you this...

MITCHY FALLS DOWN

And in breaking news, Mitchy fell down while catching a ball.  Imagine that.  Actually, it was a really, nice grab and it shows that the man still has game.

Mitchy joined Coach Proc for post-game libations to discuss his heroic grab. These two also discussed Coach Proc's daring, non-slide, stick-his-toe-on-the-plate-at-home, scoring play.  These two know how to relive heroic times.

Join us next week as next Thursday (May 13th) is our man, Mitchy's 50th Birthday!!!  Come on out and wish him a Happy Birthday!!!

MR. CLEAN?

We here at the editorial staff of TWIS were struck by the fact last night that Gaylord Focker looks alot like Mr. Clean.

And damn if he doesn't.


THANK YOU

A big thank you to Dave and Drew for bringing the Ball Park Franks in memory of long-time, Tiger radio announcer, Ernie Harwell.  Again, we say, may Ernie rest in peace.  He was a gem.

Also, thank you to "K"ramer for grilling for us and to Jump's sister, Kelly, for coming out to ridicule, er, watch us, last night.

NEXT WEEK

Join us next week as we take on Futaba at Field #7, at 6:30pm, and also to celebrate Mitchy's 50th birthday.

In the meantime, put on some boxing gloves and try to drink a beer with 'em on.

Tell 'em Aman Alfred Hedge sent ya.

See ya next week.

-COACH PROC