This Week in Softball - The We're Back Bitches Edition!

Those who block traffic for a living, people who like weed, guys who wear orange hats, prehistoric birds and guys named Yjorn, Matt, Dusty and Al....

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The We're Back Bitches Edition!

Oh yeah, baby.  We're back bitches!

America's self-proclaimed, favorite, softball team was victorious in our return to the diamond last night. A stellar, 12-0 victory over the Pterodactyls, marked the Bush Pilots first game since the 2008 season and our first in the Ford Employees Recreation League at Rotunda Fields.

Now without further adieu, on to the highlights!

SMALL CAN SEASON IS OPEN

Our man of the can, Can Return Al, himself, was out and about and on the hunt last night. His hunchback walk was more pronounced than ever, his pants were still hiked up to his tits and the dents in his car were still too plentiful to count. As he silently stalked his prey, it was noticed by our man, Dawg, that CRA was sporting a hunter's orange cap, thus allowing Dawg to proclaim that Small Can Hunting Season must be officially opened. It was pointed out by Focker, that CRA's lid had a "Miller High Life" logo on it. Dugger the Bud Man must quickly find some form of Bud/Bud Light hunting cap for CRA or else the advertising influence of CRA's hat might drive Team Bush to drink Miller (well, not really). No word on whether or not CRA collected orange High Life cans.

THE NIGHTMARISH HELL OF TRAFFIC

We'd like to send a big "Welcome to Team Bush" to John "Dusty" Thompson.  Dusty was with the team back in the early, Sports Haven days, and its good to have him back on the squad.  He nearly missed the game, as he was stuck in raffic on I-94 due to an accident.  And, who do you think closed all three lanes on I-94?  None other than our Romulus firefighter, Hose, who had responded to the accident. We are happy to report, Dusty made the game on time.  Hose, never make a Bush Pilot late dammit!

"WHAT KIND OF FU***ING BIRD IS A PTERODACTYL?"

This quote was overheard as some members of Team Bush wondered what kind of bird our opponents team was named after.

Here is a pterodactyl.  What the fug it has to do with softball, we here at TWIS do not know.

Its a fugging dinosaur bird.   Great name for a softball team.  Right.

WHAT IS YOUR INDIAN NAME?

We here at TWIS would like to pay homage to our Native American brothers and sisters and to one of our own teammates.  As you know, when an American Indian baby is born, it is given the name of what the father first sees, i.e. "Running Bull", "Two Dogs Fugging", "Soaring Eagle", etc.  We would like to bestow an Indian name to our man Dugger.  We shall call him "Dugger Little Shoes".  It appears, he could not find his spikes, so he did the next best thing.  He wore his ex-wife's spikes.  Yes, he was sporting chick shoes.  What is next?  High heel pumps?  Spiked boots?  Prada shoes?  Maybe a strapless sandal?  

WTF Dugger???

Maybe next week you'll accessorize with some pink batting gloves?

The madness of this is horrifying.

WWJJ

"WWJJ".  This was uttered by our man Dave.  When asked what this meant, he said it stood for, "Why Would Jeffy Juice"?  You see Jeffy has undergone a transformation of sorts.  He works out.  He cut off his life-long goatee and lost the glasses.  He even went so far as to cut off the sleeves on his Bush Pilots jersey to show off his "guns".  We here at TWIS stand by the juicing accusation laid out by our man, Dave. 

We feel Jump shouldn't look like this.

Jeff, for the children, please stop juicing.

NEW BUSH PILOTS UNIFORM?

Matt the Gladiator's wife bought him a nice t-shirt. 

We think this should be our next uniform jersey.

SEASONED SCOREKEEPER

We'd like to send kudos out to the opposing team's scorekeeper.  She was well seasoned at her craft.   The well-weathered, woman, had the scoreboard clipboard in one hand with a smoke and a beer and a pen in the other hand. 

Do not try this at home.  Leave this type of activity to a professional.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND?

Any of you bastages old enough to remember the 70's TV show, "The Courtship of Eddie's Father"?  It was about a single dad and his kid and was a tear-jeker.  The title of this section is from the theme song to the stupid-ass show.  Mitchy and CRA have a kind of, modernized version of this show going on.  "The Canship of Mitchy's Father".

Here is the ridiculous theme song:




FORDSON BRO'S

We'd like to also say how touched we all were at our Fordson Alumni, BigAl and Dubya, consoling each other after they both struck out. It was overheard one say to the other, "That sucks dude." 

Team Bush is a caring team.

THANK YOU

Coach Proc would like to thank Dawg for making him laugh so hard he choked on cigar smoke.  Dawg, you dick.  :-)

"K"ramer thanks for bringing the BBQ.

Coach Proc thanks himself for bringing the hot dogs.

NEXT WEEK

Next week we take on a team named "VA" on Field #8.  That field, we think, is all the way in the back to the left.  Don't get lost.

Who will bring something for the grill next week???

In the meantime, drink some beers, pour a bourbon, put on some tunes, kick back, and relish in Dugger's shoutout pitching performance!

You all have a great weekend.

I'm counting on you.

-COACH PROC

Oh, one more thing...the scoresheet from last night showing our glorious shutout!