Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign (Bitches) Edition
WELCOME TO THE TWIS BLOG!
Yes, we've gone high-tech here at TWIS. This way, you can click on a link to this page and never miss a TWIS!!! Bookmark this URL people: http://thisweekinsoftball.blogspot.com/
Alos stay tuned for the Bush Pilots Facebook page where our goal will be to get 500, hell, 1000 fans, before the end of the summer.
Now, onto the lowlights of last night...
PRACTICE? WE DON'T NEED NO PRACTICE!
But practice we did. Yessir, last night, a half dozen members of Team Bush showed up for a grueling practice.
Our schedule went like this:
6PM - Arrive at Rotunda. Drink beers
6:30PM - Hit the field! Drink beers.
7:00PM - Done practicing. Drink beers.
Warm up throws and batting practice were conducted on Field #7 at Rotunda, which we shared with another team called "The Pterodactyls". The Pterodactyls showed up in much greater numbers than we did and were drinking like sailors on shore leave.
HEY BUSH PILOTS! WHERE'S YOUR COOLERS?
The commissioner of our new league is a member of the afforementioned Pterodactyls club. He yelled over to us and said, "Hey Bush Pilots, where's your coolers?"
For the first time in HISTORY, the Bush Pilots were called out for not having enough "visible" beer. Focker did have a small cooler on the bench and thus allowed us to save face.
During post-practice libations, the Commish informed us its mandatory to have beers on the bench.
Fellas, beers on the bench? Relaxed rules? We better get enough of you to pay up/show up as this could be a very fun league.
SIGNS, SIGNS EVERYWHERE A SIGN (BITCHES)
Last month, Gaylord Focker saw the league signup page posted on the wall in the AAA break room. He never goes in the breakroom, so he saw this as a "sign" that we needed to get the team back together. Along the way, either Dugger or Dawg or Proc said, "Let's do this bitches!" and then the monumental task of putting this monstrosity of a team back together was born.
"Signs" is also a very cool Tesla tune...
CONSHISHUENTS?
One of the parking lot conversations centered around the upcoming, May 1st, smoking ban in bars/restaurants, here in Michigan. It was discussed that Oakland County Executive, L. Brooks Patterson (what does the "L" stand for anyway?) was going to fight against enforcing the ban. Drunk Focker replied, "He's juss lissening to his conshishuents and doing what they want."
We took that to mean "constituents", but we let Focker ramble on anyway.
THOSE ARE SOME "SWEET" BLEACHERS
When discussing the upcoming season, it was noticed that our new fields at Rotunda are blessed with the oldest, shittiest bleachers we had ever seen. They lean to one side and are in imminent danger of falling over. Our man, Hose, commented on this and called them "sweet bleachers". Hose has promised to bring a medic kit from the fire station to the games to tend to our wounded fans. The over-under on a fan falling off these bleachers is by Game 2. Please encourage all fans to bring their own chairs. We can save lives this way. Those bleachers are fuggin' nasty.
Can Return Al is ALIVE! He pulled up to the roar of "AL!!!!" from those in attendance. His Can-Mobile, the ever-stylish, gold Taurus, is dented EVERYWHERE, but is still running. His can-grabbing "claw" is still functioning and he stills smells as bad as ever. And, his love for Mitch still knows no bounds. He must've asked 10 times where Mitch was and stated that he still wants to dine with Mitch at Ponderosa. To quote CRA, "Mitch has to go to the Ponderosa with me for the meatloaf and spaghetti. The spaghetti is so fresh!"
The Pterodactyls squad must've drank a case plus of beer while practicing. When done with a beer, they just chucked it in the outfield where they stood (I told you we are going to like this league). With that said, they informed CRA that the outfield was littered with empties and to go get 'em. We here at TWIS were wondering just how the old man would walk all the way out to outfield. After all, he's hunched over like a bent stick and his up-to-his-tits pants don't allow for much movement. To all of our surprise, CRA improvised, found a hole in the fence and drove the Can-Mobile out onto the field. You just can't make this shit up.
THE ALTAR
The opposing team had a very, large, white cooler on wheels they called "The Altar". It appears they worship this beer holding vessel and it was suggested we pay homage to it as well. Out of respect, homage was paid.
MONEY NEEDED!
I've got money from 10 guys. We have 18 on the roster. I have almost enough to pay the entry fee ($650) but will need more to cover the umps. If we are short money to pay the umps, we'll have to kick in a $1 a man before each game. Send me a check (or drop off the cash) or bring a check/cash to next week's practice.
PRACTICE NEXT WEEK
Men, practice is next Thursday, April 22nd at 6:45 at Field #7. Be there. Let's get a good turnout. I know everyone is busy, but please try to be there. Be there for America. For the children. For CRA.
FIRST GAME
The first game is in a few weeks (again, get me some money!). April 29th at 6:30, Field #7
So that's it!
TWIS is now on a blog!
We are going to get a Facebook page to in order to get legions of fans to love us!
CRA is alive!
We have practice next week!
Our first game is in two weeks!
-COACH PROC
Focker...he was a-hammered. And hungover.
ReplyDeleteI think he 'L' In L Brooks Patterson's name stands for 'LIBEL'. I shall use it in a sentence:
ReplyDelete"If you dis that attorney in public, he is libel to sue your ass"