This Week in Softball - The We're Back Bitches Edition!

Those who block traffic for a living, people who like weed, guys who wear orange hats, prehistoric birds and guys named Yjorn, Matt, Dusty and Al....

Welcome to This Week in Softball - The We're Back Bitches Edition!

Oh yeah, baby.  We're back bitches!

America's self-proclaimed, favorite, softball team was victorious in our return to the diamond last night. A stellar, 12-0 victory over the Pterodactyls, marked the Bush Pilots first game since the 2008 season and our first in the Ford Employees Recreation League at Rotunda Fields.

Now without further adieu, on to the highlights!

SMALL CAN SEASON IS OPEN

Our man of the can, Can Return Al, himself, was out and about and on the hunt last night. His hunchback walk was more pronounced than ever, his pants were still hiked up to his tits and the dents in his car were still too plentiful to count. As he silently stalked his prey, it was noticed by our man, Dawg, that CRA was sporting a hunter's orange cap, thus allowing Dawg to proclaim that Small Can Hunting Season must be officially opened. It was pointed out by Focker, that CRA's lid had a "Miller High Life" logo on it. Dugger the Bud Man must quickly find some form of Bud/Bud Light hunting cap for CRA or else the advertising influence of CRA's hat might drive Team Bush to drink Miller (well, not really). No word on whether or not CRA collected orange High Life cans.

THE NIGHTMARISH HELL OF TRAFFIC

We'd like to send a big "Welcome to Team Bush" to John "Dusty" Thompson.  Dusty was with the team back in the early, Sports Haven days, and its good to have him back on the squad.  He nearly missed the game, as he was stuck in raffic on I-94 due to an accident.  And, who do you think closed all three lanes on I-94?  None other than our Romulus firefighter, Hose, who had responded to the accident. We are happy to report, Dusty made the game on time.  Hose, never make a Bush Pilot late dammit!

"WHAT KIND OF FU***ING BIRD IS A PTERODACTYL?"

This quote was overheard as some members of Team Bush wondered what kind of bird our opponents team was named after.

Here is a pterodactyl.  What the fug it has to do with softball, we here at TWIS do not know.

Its a fugging dinosaur bird.   Great name for a softball team.  Right.

WHAT IS YOUR INDIAN NAME?

We here at TWIS would like to pay homage to our Native American brothers and sisters and to one of our own teammates.  As you know, when an American Indian baby is born, it is given the name of what the father first sees, i.e. "Running Bull", "Two Dogs Fugging", "Soaring Eagle", etc.  We would like to bestow an Indian name to our man Dugger.  We shall call him "Dugger Little Shoes".  It appears, he could not find his spikes, so he did the next best thing.  He wore his ex-wife's spikes.  Yes, he was sporting chick shoes.  What is next?  High heel pumps?  Spiked boots?  Prada shoes?  Maybe a strapless sandal?  

WTF Dugger???

Maybe next week you'll accessorize with some pink batting gloves?

The madness of this is horrifying.

WWJJ

"WWJJ".  This was uttered by our man Dave.  When asked what this meant, he said it stood for, "Why Would Jeffy Juice"?  You see Jeffy has undergone a transformation of sorts.  He works out.  He cut off his life-long goatee and lost the glasses.  He even went so far as to cut off the sleeves on his Bush Pilots jersey to show off his "guns".  We here at TWIS stand by the juicing accusation laid out by our man, Dave. 

We feel Jump shouldn't look like this.

Jeff, for the children, please stop juicing.

NEW BUSH PILOTS UNIFORM?

Matt the Gladiator's wife bought him a nice t-shirt. 

We think this should be our next uniform jersey.

SEASONED SCOREKEEPER

We'd like to send kudos out to the opposing team's scorekeeper.  She was well seasoned at her craft.   The well-weathered, woman, had the scoreboard clipboard in one hand with a smoke and a beer and a pen in the other hand. 

Do not try this at home.  Leave this type of activity to a professional.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND?

Any of you bastages old enough to remember the 70's TV show, "The Courtship of Eddie's Father"?  It was about a single dad and his kid and was a tear-jeker.  The title of this section is from the theme song to the stupid-ass show.  Mitchy and CRA have a kind of, modernized version of this show going on.  "The Canship of Mitchy's Father".

Here is the ridiculous theme song:




FORDSON BRO'S

We'd like to also say how touched we all were at our Fordson Alumni, BigAl and Dubya, consoling each other after they both struck out. It was overheard one say to the other, "That sucks dude." 

Team Bush is a caring team.

THANK YOU

Coach Proc would like to thank Dawg for making him laugh so hard he choked on cigar smoke.  Dawg, you dick.  :-)

"K"ramer thanks for bringing the BBQ.

Coach Proc thanks himself for bringing the hot dogs.

NEXT WEEK

Next week we take on a team named "VA" on Field #8.  That field, we think, is all the way in the back to the left.  Don't get lost.

Who will bring something for the grill next week???

In the meantime, drink some beers, pour a bourbon, put on some tunes, kick back, and relish in Dugger's shoutout pitching performance!

You all have a great weekend.

I'm counting on you.

-COACH PROC

Oh, one more thing...the scoresheet from last night showing our glorious shutout!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign (Bitches)

L. Brooks Patterson, Pterodactyls, those who drink Bud Light Golden Wheat, men who return cans, and guys named Herb Semens, Jeff and Al...


Welcome to This Week in Softball - The Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign (Bitches) Edition


WELCOME TO THE TWIS BLOG!

Yes, we've gone high-tech here at TWIS.  This way, you can click on a link to this page and never miss a TWIS!!!  Bookmark this URL people:  http://thisweekinsoftball.blogspot.com/

Alos stay tuned for the Bush Pilots Facebook page where our goal will be to get 500, hell, 1000 fans, before the end of the summer.

Now, onto the lowlights of last night...

 
PRACTICE? WE DON'T NEED NO PRACTICE!

But practice we did. Yessir, last night, a half dozen members of Team Bush showed up for a grueling practice.

Our schedule went like this:

6PM - Arrive at Rotunda.  Drink beers
6:30PM - Hit the field!  Drink beers.
7:00PM - Done practicing.  Drink beers.

Warm up throws and batting practice were conducted on Field #7 at Rotunda, which we shared with another team called "The Pterodactyls". The Pterodactyls showed up in much greater numbers than we did and were drinking like sailors on shore leave.

HEY BUSH PILOTS! WHERE'S YOUR COOLERS?

The commissioner of our new league is a member of the afforementioned Pterodactyls club. He yelled over to us and said, "Hey Bush Pilots, where's your coolers?"

For the first time in HISTORY, the Bush Pilots were called out for not having enough "visible" beer. Focker did have a small cooler on the bench and thus allowed us to save face.

During post-practice libations, the Commish informed us its mandatory to have beers on the bench.

Fellas, beers on the bench?  Relaxed rules?  We better get enough of you to pay up/show up as this could be a very fun league.

SIGNS, SIGNS EVERYWHERE A SIGN (BITCHES)

Last month, Gaylord Focker saw the league signup page posted on the wall in the AAA break room.  He never goes in the breakroom, so he saw this as a "sign" that we needed to get the team back together.  Along the way, either Dugger or Dawg or Proc said, "Let's do this bitches!" and then the monumental task of putting this monstrosity of a team back together was born.

"Signs" is also a very cool Tesla tune...



CONSHISHUENTS?

One of the parking lot conversations centered around the upcoming, May 1st, smoking ban in bars/restaurants, here in Michigan. It was discussed that Oakland County Executive, L. Brooks Patterson (what does the "L" stand for anyway?) was going to fight against enforcing the ban.  Drunk Focker replied, "He's juss lissening to his conshishuents and doing what they want."

We took that to mean "constituents", but we let Focker ramble on anyway.


THOSE ARE SOME "SWEET" BLEACHERS

When discussing the upcoming season, it was noticed that our new fields at Rotunda are blessed with the oldest, shittiest bleachers we had ever seen. They lean to one side and are in imminent danger of falling over. Our man, Hose, commented on this and called them "sweet bleachers". Hose has promised to bring a medic kit from the fire station to the games to tend to our wounded fans. The over-under on a fan falling off these bleachers is by Game 2.  Please encourage all fans to bring their own chairs.  We can save lives this way.  Those bleachers are fuggin' nasty.

CRA LIVES!!!

Can Return Al is ALIVE! He pulled up to the roar of "AL!!!!" from those in attendance. His Can-Mobile, the ever-stylish, gold Taurus, is dented EVERYWHERE, but is still running. His can-grabbing "claw" is still functioning and he stills smells as bad as ever. And, his love for Mitch still knows no bounds. He must've asked 10 times where Mitch was and stated that he still wants to dine with Mitch at Ponderosa. To quote CRA, "Mitch has to go to the Ponderosa with me for the meatloaf and spaghetti. The spaghetti is so fresh!"

CRA DRIVES ON FIELD TO PERFORM HIS TASK

The Pterodactyls squad must've drank a case plus of beer while practicing. When done with a beer, they just chucked it in the outfield where they stood (I told you we are going to like this league). With that said, they informed CRA that the outfield was littered with empties and to go get 'em. We here at TWIS were wondering just how the old man would walk all the way out to outfield. After all, he's hunched over like a bent stick and his up-to-his-tits pants don't allow for much movement. To all of our surprise, CRA improvised, found a hole in the fence and drove the Can-Mobile out onto the field. You just can't make this shit up.


THE ALTAR

The opposing team had a very, large, white cooler on wheels they called "The Altar". It appears they worship this beer holding vessel and it was suggested we pay homage to it as well.  Out of respect, homage was paid.


MONEY NEEDED!

I've got money from 10 guys. We have 18 on the roster. I have almost enough to pay the entry fee ($650) but will need more to cover the umps.  If we are short money to pay the umps, we'll have to kick in a $1 a man before each game. Send me a check (or drop off the cash) or bring a check/cash to next week's practice.


PRACTICE NEXT WEEK

Men, practice is next Thursday, April 22nd at 6:45 at Field #7. Be there. Let's get a good turnout. I know everyone is busy, but please try to be there.  Be there for America.  For the children.  For CRA.

FIRST GAME

The first game is in a few weeks (again, get me some money!).   April 29th at 6:30, Field #7


So that's it!

TWIS is now on a blog!
We are going to get a Facebook page to in order to get legions of fans to love us!
CRA is alive!
We have practice next week!
Our first game is in two weeks!

-COACH PROC